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Celebrity Death Match Round 1



Sidney: Hello, and welcome to tonight's episode of Celebrity Death Match. I'm Sidney the Multi-Colored Armadillo...

Jahar9: And I'm Jahar9. Today, tonight, tomorrow, whatever, our main event is a special match-up between the cast of AniTV and the Mighty Morphin Potty Trainers, er, Power Rangers.

Sidney: We also have a special feature - a mystery referee for each match! This is going to be a great one, Jahar.

Jahar9: It sure is. *Turns to face another camera* To start things off on a non-gory foot, we now will have a sneezing contest. A hush falls over our crowd as... Believer steps into the ring. *The crowd cheers* I think we have a great match tonight...

*PigeonMorph enters the room, all ready to sneeze. She steps into the ring with Believer. The crowd makes no reaction*

PigeonMorph: Hey! What's with you people? I'm PigeonMorph! Cheer for me!

Jahar9: Well, the crowd here doesn't seem to like PigeonMorph very much, do they?

Sidney: That must be because Believer has won over 32 sneezing rounds and is the Sneezing League Champion. PigeonMorph hasn't won any so far.

Jahar9: 32? Are you sure? I thought it was 33.

Sidney: Only if you count her match-up against NorZacIsTay the Cow, and that wasn't really an official match.

Jahar9: Oh, yeah, forgot about that. Anyhoo and however, the match is about to start. PigeonMorph, however, doesn't seem to want to begin. She's screaming at the crowd!

PigeonMorph: I float like a ton of bricks, sting like a pillow! I AM the Pigeon!

Believer: *in a taunting voice* Oh, yeah? Well, you couldn't sneeze your way out of a paper bag. I'm going to blow you out of this arena, you're gonna fly so far you'll land on the moon and they'll have to cart you back to Earth with NorZacIsTay the slurpy!

Sidney: Oh, my, that seems to have upset PigeonMorph. She's getting her feathers in an awful ruffle. The audience is silent as she climbs into the ring.

Jahar9: Our first mystery guest referee, black leather bag appropriately placed over her head, follows the two into the DeathMatch Ring. The hood is lifted and it is none other than... Gertrude. Yes ladies and gents, she has taken leave from her new permanent residence in the Smithsonian to be our mystery ref.

Sidney: Only time will tell if this is a good choice...

Jahar9: Anything that comes from my head...*Sidney cuts in*

Sidney: Is 99.9% air.

*PigeonMorph takes in a big breath of air and lets out a large sneeze, Believer is blown into the corner of the ring*

Believer: HMPH! That's all the better you can do? *Believer begins to huff, and puff.....* AHHHHHHH-CHHHHOOOOEEEWWWWWIIII
EEEEOOOOWWWWOOOOOOO!

*PigeonMorph is blown out of the ring and through the walls (several of them, for the auditorium is well-insulated) and out into a chicken-processing plant. Actually, it is half chicken-processing, half honey, and half pillow-making (Wait, doesn't that make 1 and a half? Well, you never said it had to make sense!).*

Gertrude: Well, ladies and gentlemen, that just about diddly-does it! It looked-looks like PigeonMorph is gone for good. I pronounce Believer the winner!

Sidney: So, Believer how does it feel to win 34 times in a row?

Believer: It feels...ticklish? AHHHHHH-CHHHHOOOOIIIIIIYYYYYYYY! Oh, sorry. Couln't help myself!

Jahar9: Well... next up is... Stress Fairy versus Mattie. The two despised personalities Sidney would gladly part with. The losers will get an all-expense paid trip to the Smithsonian.

Sidney: Well, there you have it folks, and that concludes this segment of Celebrity DeathMatch, Weirdo version.

Jahar9: And my I also warn our viewers that a surprise match may be coming up, so stay tuned!

Both: BYE!

To go to the next round of this insanity, CLICK HERE!!!