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Celebrity Death Match Round 6
"The Never-Ending Round"


*Everyone walks into the auditorium after lunch break. In the corner of the ring sits N*SYNC, singing "I Drive Myself Crazy". Everyone but Pigeon runs away screaming and holding their ears. Pigeon begins to talk to herself.*

Pigeon: I hate this song because I like it!

*An old medieval lady runs in*

Lady: OOoooooo! Pigeon! All fresh and new! *Picks up Pigeon and deep-frys her, then takes her outside and sets up a stand.* Squab, get your squab! Fresh squab!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*Pigeon peeps out of her plot hole*

Pigeon: Jahar! Quit trying to write the Celebrity Deathmatches in your daydreams!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Believer: Jahar. Jahar! JAHAR!!!! Wake up Jahar! The match is about to start!

*Sidney whacks Jahar's chair with the Participle, and it soars sideways into the air and flys around the auditorium.*

Believer: You set it off! You set it off! ACK!

Sidney: Good this is not.

*Jahar pushes the big red button on the chair that says "Eject", and it shoots her out of the roof*

Believer: Well now, there's quite a hole.

Sidney: Hope I do that rains it does not.

Believer: Hey, we have a problem, we're now short a commentator, and we can't wait until Jahar gets back to start the match, I think N*SYNC has some kind of tour....

Sidney: Oh well, if they die.

Believer: You have a point.

Sidney: Anyways, have I do a replacement.

Believer: Oh? Who? And don't say Yoda, please.

Sidney: Nope, Christopher Ralph.

Pigeon: *sarcasticly* Ooooo! Christopher Ralph is soooooooo FINE!

*Yoda whacks Pigeon with Jahar's chair, which had fallen back through the roof*

Yoda: Diss Chris you should not!

*Sidney waves to Chris, who is conveniently in the audience*

Believer: Alright! Without further adu, let the match begin!

*A voice from nowhere shouts "Let's get ready to rumble", but no one hears it, because they all think it's the author*....

Sidney: On you should come, Chris, about to start is the match!

CR: *sighs and joins other commentators* You DO know how annoying that is, don't you?

Sidney: *brightly* Yup, sure do!

Believer: Hey, Chris, what happened to you after you two ran off into the sunset? You disappeared just like PK.

PK: How many times do I have to tell you people, I am RIGHT HERE!!!

Pigeon: Oh, SURE you are.

CR: I went to do some scenes from the next Animorphs season, and then I answered some fan mail.

Sidney: Fan mail my multi-colored shell! Answer fan mail you do not, either!!!

CR: *sighs* You got me. I was really looking for another job, Tobias is getting on my nerves, and he wants a cut of my paycheck to buy Rachel an anniversary present.

Sidney: KILL YOU I WILL!!!

Believer: *helping Pigeon, PK, and Yoda hold Sidney back* Save it for another Death Match!!!

Sidney: Agreed. HAVE JASON KILL YOU I WILL!!!!

CR: *gasps* Not... Jason!

Sidney: *evilly* Jason.

CR: Wait, which one, that guy in all those horror films? Or the one who looks exactly like me?

Sidney: Oh, you big dumb stupid-head...

Believer: *whispers to PK* I can insult people WAY better than her.

Sidney: ...MY Jason! The one who looks like you. And, by the way, you are a silly Canadian goose-head kniggit-flavored Yoda struddle who is scared of a duck, you know.

Believer: But she's improving. Anyway, back to the match. But it can't truly begin until...

*PK fishes around in the plot hole, finds Pigeon's head, and bangs it.*

Sidney: Circling each other are Hanson and N*STINK. Hey, wait! The little Hanson kid is sucking his thumb and sitting on the ground, crying!

Little Hanson Kid who I believe is named Zack: There's a noodle in my shoe!

*CDM commentators gasp*

Pigeon: Haahaa, it worked! Good-bye, Zack Hanson!!!

CR: Ummm... yeah. ANYWAAAAY, now N*Synk is...

Sidney: N*STINK!!!

CR: Okay, just so I don't die today, N*STINK is starting to close in on the two older Hanson guys. Oh, now this is unfair. Five against two? They don't stand a chance!

Yoda: The point that was.

Sidney: Be quiet you should, and out of the commentator's box you should get, over is your turn to talk!

Yoda: Picky, picky. *goes into the audience*

*Jahar falls back into the commentating stands.*

Jahar9: Okay, who let the dweeb in here!

Pigeon: Ummm... you were the one who decided to fall through the roof.

CR: Fine, I'll go, it's clear that I'M not wanted.

Yoda: *batts his eyes* Join me you could!

Sidney: YODA!!!

Yoda: *takes off mask revealing Scully* Sorry, got tired of Mulder I did... I mean I got tired of Mulder, he was chasing me around with what he called an Andalite communicator-eye stalk-thing.

Believer: Uh-oh... but that's in the NEXT round.

Sidney: Have a headache I do, going back to sleep I am.

Zack: There's a noodle in my shoe, a noodle there is in this shoe of mine. hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeellllllllllppppp mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

Jahar9: Shut up Zac!!!!

*Hanson begins singing*

Hanson: Noodleooo! Doodly do! Mmmm.

Sidney: Hey! Mmmm my word is!

Hanson: *still singing* La de do da day! Eeeeaaaahhh!

Jahar9: You can't take my phrase you...you...you little fuzzy nerds!

Hanson: Annnnyyyyhooooo! Moo ooo moo! Cheeseeeeeeee eeeessss like buttttterrrrr onlllllyyyyyy ddiffffffffffffffffffrent! T ata.

Believer: Hey! That's my saying!!!

*Believer, Sidney, and Jahar all jump on the Hansons and kill them*

Believer: Well now, that was quick, but now N*SYNC has no one to fight.

Lance: Hey man, those were our chicks.

Jahar: *Laughing* Umm, I'm afraid those weren't "chicks".

Sidney: But a common misconception that is.

Believer: Well, at least we don't have to feel guilty. They wouldn't have killed them anyway. At least I don't think so.

Joey: Why would we kill them? What is this a deathmatch?

Jahar: You know what, I give up, these people are too dumb to die.

*The three commentators climb back onto their platform*

Believer: Well ladies and gentlemen, looks like NSTINK is the winner of this match.

*Mulder walks in*

Dude in the audience: Hey dude! Is it Noodle in a Bean can day?

Mulder: No, it's National Bean in a Noodle can day!

*Mulder holds up a bean in a noodle can, and everyone cheers and holds up theirs, except for Scully, who doesn't believe in Bean in a Noodle can*

*Barenaked Ladies run in, and sing the Bean in a Noodle can song*

NSTINK: Hey guys! This is our act!

Believer: Get them!

*Scully sits in the stands and rolls her eyes*

Mulder: Cummon Scully, have a little fun. Every day isn't bean in a noodle can day.

Scully: And boy am I glad of that.

*Mulder's bean in a noodle can suddenly begins to glow*

Scully: What's going on?

Sidney: The scientist you are.

Can: Incoming message for Jahar-Yaqui-Corass>

Scully: Mulder, your bean in a noodle can is talking.

Mulder: Yes, it apparently is.

Jahar: You forgot the Nine!

*Scully screams when she notices Jahar is an andalite, and runs over to Mulder*

Scully: Mulder, I believe.

*Believer cheers and throws her bean in a noodle can into the air, while Jahar runs down to get her message*

Jahar: Mulder, give me the transmitter.

Mulder: You mean the bean in a noodle can.

Jahar: No, I mean the transmitter, it's not a bean in a noodle can Mulder.

*Mulder hands Jahar the transmitter*

Transmitter: ......

...Believer is not real! I repeat, is not-- >

Jahar: Ummmm....what did they mean by that?

Sidney: MMMMMMmmmmm, yes? Believer?

Believer: Uhhhh...ummmm...did I tell you guys that I made some more weirdo quotes?

Jahar: Really?

Sidney: Quiet you! Trying to change the subject she is!

Jahar: Yeah, I knew that. I wanted to hear the quotes, though.

Believer: Oh...well...uh...THEY can explain!

~Believer points to Mulder and Scully, who are wrapped in each others arms, kissing passionately.~

Believer: HEY!!! NOOOOOOOO! HE'S MINE! MINEMINEMINEMINEMINE!!

Scully: But I believe!

Mulder: But she believes!

Pigeon: Yup yup yup!

Jahar: Hey, I thought you were in a plot hole!

Pigeon: I can explain why Believer isn't real.

Believer: Hey, I'm real!

BNL: Nope nope nope. Hey, we could make a song out of that!

~BNL leave to confer about the lyrics to the song.~

Pigeon: You aren't real. Scully knows that, too.

Believer: You DO? Mulder?

Mulder: Hey, quit looking at me. I only want the truth, not reality!

Pigeon: Here's what's going on...

*Yoda whacks Pigeon with the Washington Monument*

Jahar9: Yoda! You loon!!! What did you do that for?!

Yoda: Not real am I.

Sidney: Then real is who?

Jahar9: Who is real.

Sidney: Who is real?

*Pigeon crawls through her plot hole and smacks the author with the dark side of the moon*

DarthVader: Come join the dark side. *Darth disappears back into his own, private, Pigeon-proof plot hole*

Author: Not that dark side!

Pigeon: Shut up!!

Author: Aw go to New Jersey and rub Abe Linclon's nose.

Pigeon: Abe's nose is in Vermont.

Author: Is not!

Pigeon: Is too!

*Will Smith appears from a glowing ameoba that appeared in Pigeon's cosy plot hole home*

Will: You're both wrong, it's in Illinois.

*Will Smith Disappears again*

Believer: Pigeon, who are you yelling at?

Author: Ha! Pigeon, you are MESSED up. In fact, I think I'm going to torture you now.

*The Deathmatch stadium suddenly flies up into the air and lands again on top of Planet Hollywood, Washington DC, as the author cackles and hands the reigns over to the next.....

Author: You all said I wasn't in the story. You didn't pay any attention to me and made me feel very unloved! Now I will torture you all until you declare me Ruler of the Whole World!

Pinky: But Brain, what can these weirdos do?

Author: Quiet, Pinky, before you reveal my true identity.

Sidney: ::singing:: They're Pinky and the Brain! Yes, Binky and the Stain! One is a genious, the other is me! ::laughs histerically::

Pinky: ::laughs histerically with Sidney::

Jahar9: *looks at the actions* Hey, you changed from the *'s to ::'s! What's with that? And why no Dangling Participle?

Sidney: ::bouncing on her head around the room with Pinky:: Singing I was! Valid the Participle is not in song! And RPing have I been, the reason that is for the ::s. Besides, my cousin and Jason have I been around, the reason that is for this brief fit of insanity.

Pinky: You mean it's not me?

Believer: Hey! He's not real either!

Pinky: I am so! I'm an actor with a funny voice and big ears!

Jahar9: *grumbling* He's right, he's an actor wearing a big mouse suit with ears like Will Smith.

Will: *from his plot hole* I heard that!

Sidney: ::stops bouncing around with Pinky:: Hurts does my head. Feel like Martin Stillwater do I. Hey, maybe a double have I as well!

Yoda: On drugs you must be.

Sidney: Say no to drugs! And clones!

Mulder: Hey, clones ain't bad... I'm a clone.

Scully: Mulder! You are?

Mulder: Yeah, of our little friend DD, or didn't you know that?

Scully: I don't believe in clones.

Mulder: But you said you believed!

Scully: I lied to get you to kiss me, now shut up and follow the script!

Believer: I believe! I believe! I believe!

Jahar9: Give me a break.

*N*STINK, upset by the fact that their big "number" was "canceled", launch into the Kit Kat song*

Pinky: My ears! My ears! Help me!

Brain: Oh, be quiet, Pinky. This insanity has gotten on my nerves. We're going to the lab to wait for tomorrow night.

Pinky: Why, Brain? What are we going to do tomorrow night?

Brain: Same thing we do every night, Pinky. Try to take over the Weirdo Board!

Sidney: ::singing:: They're Dinky, they're Pinky and the BrainBrainBrainBrainBrain Deedley-dee-dee. Dee-dee!

Pigeon: Hey, what about me?

*The audience suddenly screams as the former author disappears and is replaced with the author formerly known as the author of the addition before last.*

Author: Hah ahhhah hhahaahhaha ha ah ahhahhahahh ahhhahahahha ha ahha ha hahha!

*The author goes crazy hitting the a and h keys in random order. Ha hah hhahhhaha haaaha ahhhahahah!*

Pigeon: HaHAHHAHAHAHahahhhHhHHAahahh hah AHAAHahHAHaH AHaAhHH ahah! Hey, I didn't say that!

Pigeon's clone: Haha hahha aahahahha hhahah! I did!

Believer: You author you! Why on earth would you clone Pigeon, of all people.

Author: Don't worry, I didn't clone only Pigeon. I cloned Ross Perot too! Happy happy joy joy.

*NSTINK sings "Happy Happy Joy Joy," and everyone throws their Bean in a noodle can in them*

Pigeon Clone: I can speak Swahili! Ha hahahha ahaaaaha ahhaha ahhahahah aahahhahahah a! Idykydg!

Sidney: Swahili that is not!

Mulder: How can you not believe in clones Scully? There's scientific evidence of them. What about Dolly?

Author: That's right! I cloned Dolly Parton too!

*Believer and Sidney scream*

Author: Ohh, dear me, I believer I've left poor old Jahar out of this section.

Jahar9: Joy of bubbles, joy of fun, joy of Pepsi on your tongue. Ba ba ba ba!

*Author goes nuts typing b and a in random orders. Ba bba bababa ba babababbab abababababbab b babbabababaaabaababaaaaaaaaaa!*

*NSTINK begins singing that ba baba ba ba song. The audience screams because they have nothing left to throw*

Author: Baha haha baha a abaahahahbabaha bahan abahaabahbahah abahahab!

Believer: Since when have we been able to hear the author anyway?

Jahar9: I wish we couldn't.

Pigeon: Babah ah ahabahh aabhaha ababhaha habahhahab bbbbahaa ahhhhhhahaabahabbb!

Sidney: The plot hole it is!

Believer: The author speaks to us through the plot hole?

Jahar9: Hey! Then if we close it, the author can't bother our stories anymore! Down with authors, down with authors!

Sidney: Try to make sense could you for once?

Pigeon: Doodly doo! Pigeon doo the doo!

Yoda: Do the Dew, is it not?

Pigeon: Yoda is a really really old guy!

BNL: Hey!

*BNL and Yoda both whack Pigeon with dead sardine cans*

Believer: Hey, aren't the cans dead anyway? Same with the sardines?

Aut hor: Shuddup you oxymoron!

Pigeon: I've seen a rich man beg, I've seen a good a man sin. Blah blah blah. Jumbo Shrimp!

Jahar9: Pigeon, oh P igeon, what ever are we going to without you.

Sidney: Lots, that's what.

Believer: True, but if we close Pigeon's plot hole, we'll lose a major part of our comic relief.

Jahar9: Yupperoo.

Pigeon: The Venga bus is coming, the Vega bus is coming.

Yoda: We like to party, we like to party.

Scully: Yes?

Sidney: Said Yoda I did, not Scully.

Scully: Who's Scully? Yoda I am.

Jahar9: Ah!! ha aaa aazahaha ahhahah ahhhahahahah! Hey Author, cut that out!

Believer: It's another clone?

Sidney: Logical that is not.

Author: Ahh! It's logic! I'm melting....metling...

Sideny: I said "Logical that is not".

Author: *sighs* The Venga bus is coming, the Venga bus is coming, and everybody's jumping.

Jahar9: That's it! OKIES! Let's close that plot hole!

Believer: Which one?

Sidney: Close Pigeon's we should first.

*Author jumps into a multi-dimensional portal, and pops out of a plot hole in the Weirdo Arena*

Jahar9: Ack! What do we do now???

Author: La di do da day.

Believer: Day da do di la!

Jahar: Do la do day di!

Sidney: Ummmmm.....

Scully: Okay, this is what we do. We...SING!

Mulder: Yeah...

Pigeon: Somewhere over the rainbow...

Yoda: ...swallow my pride I would, choke on the rhines I would.

Believer: I thought that alcohol was just for thos with nothing else to do!

Jahar: Do you believe in love after love after love after love?

Sidney: I'm home honey and had a hard day I did! A cold one could you pour me?

Author: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Also, have I mentioned AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!?

Mulder: I'm leaving, on a jet plane. Don't know when I'll be back again.

Scully: And she says Baby, it's 3 am I must be lonely.

Author: Okay, okay, okay!!!!! I'll go back.

~Author mumbles to his/her/it self and climbs in the plot hole.~

Author: Anything to get away from you weird singing O's. You sound like...~shudders~ ...you sound like my uncle Timoklydimthes.

Scully: Timoklydimthes?

Mulder: Hey, I know him!

Scully: Oh, yeah. Now I remember. I like him. He's cool, with all his conspiracy theories.

~Mulder grabs Scully and kisses her on the lips. For a long, long time.~

Believer: ~glares angrily~ When will they stop to breathe?

~The author takes one last look at the weird singing O's, then seals his/her/it's plot hole and soundproofs it.~

Jahar: Hey, singing is fun. We should keep doing this.

~Scully and Mulder finally stop kissing.~

Believer: Hey, I know Timoklydimthes, too!

Mulder: No, you don't.

Scully: But I do.

~Mulder kisses Scully again.~

Scully: Hehehe...Mulder, you wanna get outta here...~grins slyly~

Mulder: Do I ever!

~Mulder and Scully speed out of the Weirdo Arena, leaving the weirdos to themselves.~

Believer: Sigh.

~Suddenly...

Jahar9, Pigeon, and a bunch of people none of the Weirdos know start singing~

All those afforementioned people: This is the story, of a lovely lady, who was bringing up three very lovely girls. Each one had hair of gold, like their mother, the youngest one in curls. This is the story, of a man named Fred, who was busy with 6 boys of his own. They were 7 men, living all together, yet they were all alone. Then one day this lady met this fellow, and they knew it was much more than a hunch, that somehow this group would form a family. That is how we became the Wilma bunch. The Wilma bunch. The Wilma buch!

Pigeon: That deserves a triple Wilma! Then a Fred! And two Psychos! And then a cross-dresser.

*Most of the CDM regulars stare as the large and odd group chants, cheers and claps*

Sidney: Thought I did that the Brady Bunch it was.

Scully: So did I.

Believer: *still singing BNL songs* This is me in grade nine baby, this is me in grade nine!

*BNL joins in with Believer on the next song*

BNL & Believer: If there's someone you can live without, then do so. And if there's someone you can just shove out, do so.

*NSTINK looks insulted at this large "amateur night" performance, and grabs the commentators' microphones and begins singing random songs*

NSTINK: I've seen better days.

Jahar9: Yes you have.

NSTINK: Hey! That's not in the song!

Jahar9: Well, I liked that song until you moronic baloney-cheddar couch pin cushion TTV hairball combed head greaser Sunny sunshiney day share blah bomb pomp and circumstance peppy bando bag lady camera hogging hard rock soft fuzzy fizzy oxy oxen Fox William Mulder wannabes sang it. No offence to Mulder and the bag lady.

Sidney: Amen!

*BNL runs in just as Jahar, Believer, and Sidney begin another round of insults*

Jahar9: You stinky piece of moldy cheese

Believer: Half-witted celery stick

Sidney: Children of the corn goateed insecure

Believer: Not through pubescense singing

Jahar9: Like nails on a chalk board

Pigeon: Pieces of ferret poop!

NSTINK: Alrighty! You Weirdos went too far on that one!

*NSTINK runs at the outnumbered Weirdos, but suddenly........

Sidney grabs out of Pigeon's plot hole a piece of butter.*

Sidney: Now shall I say the words of magic. Viaduct! Hail and Farewell! Animal Crackers! Love Happy! And finally, Jumping Butterballs!

Believer: Cheese is like butter only different!

N*STINK: Who is that?

::a little red-haired man pops out of Sidney's head and grabs the butter, then proceeds to spread it all over the floor around N*STINK::

Sidney: Who? Him? That's the one, the only, the GREAT ALL-POWERFUL HARPO MARX!!!!!!

Joey: That dude who plays the harp?

Sidney: Hey, Harpo!

Harpo: ::honks horn:: Beep?

Sidney: Leave that one alone, he knows who you are!

Harpo: Beep-boop. ::whistles:: tweelie-twlee?

Sidney: Sure, do whatever you want with them.

Joey: Huh?



Lance: Uh-oh........

::Harpo grins and beeps his horn at the remaining four N*STINK members until they back up, pressed against the exit doors of the DeathRing.::

Harpo: Aaaaaaaoooooouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu-ggggaaaaaa!

::And they fall through the doors, obviously having forgotten that the author had moved it onto the top of Planet Hollywood.::

Believer: Are they dead?

Harpo: ::horn::Beep beep ::whistle::tweelie-twoo ::horn::boop bomp.

Sidney: Nope, just stuck in green Jell-o that'll dye their skin the color of Gumby for at least three months, just long enough for the rest of their tours.

Jahar9: Cool.

Sidney: No, green.

Harpo: ::puts knee on Sidney's hand:: ::smiles::

Sidney: Now cut that out!

Believer: Ummm... does he like you or something?

Sidney: No, he does that to everyone.

Harpo: ::proves it by doing it to Believer::

Pigeon: Hey, he's kinda cute.

Harpo: ::grins, puts knee in Pigeon's hand, then takes big harp out of her plot hole and plays Iris::

Sidney: ::singing:: And I'd give you this leather to touch you,
Cause I know that you like all them cows.
You're the closet in heaven that I wanna see
But I don't want to go there right now.

And all I can taste is this Mentos
And I know I can breathe alright.
And Now and Laters are soon right over,
I just don't want to miss food tonight.

And I don't want the world to hear me,
Cause when I talk it ain't weird at all.
When everything's made to be cheesey,
I just want you to eat butterballs.

And you can't fight the plot hole inside you,
Or the grossness of morphing your flies.
When everything feels like the DeathMatch
Hanson bleeds and they won't stay alive!

And I don't want the world to hear me,
Cause when I talk it ain't weird at all.
When everything's made to be cheesey,
I just want you to eat butterballs.

(break and solo for Harpo while Yoda does a tap-dance)

And I don't want the world to hear me,
Cause when I talk it ain't weird at all.
When everything's made to be cheesey,
I just want you to eat butterballs.

And I don't want the world to hear me,
Cause when I talk it ain't weird at all.
When everything's made to be cheesey,
I just want you to eat butterballs.

I just want you to eat butterballs.
I just want you to eat butterballs.
I just want you to eat butterballs.

::Sidney and Harpo's duet ends and Harpo goes back into Sidney' head, driving his shiny mustard-yellow Rav4.::

Pigeon: *sighs* I love that harp.

Sidney: ::sighs:: I love that car.

*the next author grabs the keyboard from the sheer mushy ickiness of it all and...eats it!~

Believer: Huh. Well. I guess he won't be bothering us anymore. He can't type without a keyboard.

Ax: Of course he can!

Jahar: Ax-man, when did you get here?

Ax: I'm not here. I am not real.

Sidney: ~groans~ Not this again!

Ax: I merely mean that I am a projected hologram.

Believer: Merely.

Pigeon: Let's sing again.

Jahar: What song?

Believer: BARENAKED LADIES!!!!!

BNL: Yeah?

Believer: Uhhh...got it! My second fave...

BNL: Ahhh...k, let's go!

~All of the weirdos, and BNL, (who can now be considered weirdos because they have sung so many songs and did so many things with the weirdos that either their brains have been turned to the cinammon raisin oatmeal that inhabits the weirdos brains, which aren't really brains, or they were already weird from the beginning, or they aren't real at all or are andriods) burst out into Believer's second favourite BNL song.~

All ppl above:

It's been one week since you looked at me
Cocked your head to one side
And said "i'm angry"
Five days since you laughed at me saying
"Get that together, come back, and see me"
Three days since the living room
I realized it's all my fault, but couldn't tell you
Yesterday you'd forgiven me
But it'll still be two days till I say I'm sorry

...yada yada yada, too many lyrics to type...

...How can I help it if I think you're funny when you're mad
Tryin' hard not to smile though I feel bad
I'm the kinda guy who laughs at a funeral
Can't understand what I mean?
Well, you soon will
I have a tendency to wear my mind on my sleeve
I have a history of taking off my shirt

...yada yada yada (now, my fave part)

...Chickity China the Chinese chicken
Have a drumstick and your brain stops tickin
Watchin' X-FILES

Believer: YEAH!!!

With no lights on
We're dans la maison
I hope the SMOKING MAN'S

Believer: Booooooo!

in this one
Like Harrison Ford I'm getting frantic
Like Sting I'm tantric
Like Snickers, guaranteed to satisfy
Like Kurasawa I make mad films
Okay, I don't make films
But if I did they'd have a Samurai
Like Skywalker, gotta big hunch
Hey, that's my lunch
Yoda's a really, really old guy

Yoda: HEY!

...yada yada yada (I'm tired)...

...'Cause it'll still be two days
till we say we're sorry...

Believer: Whew.

Sidney: Time to end this match it is?

BNL: Ya di dum!

Jahar: Hmmm...maybe one more song?

~All glare at Jahar.~

Believer: I'm tired. Goodnight.

~Believer falls asleep standing up.~

Author: *yelling* This match is far from over!*

*Pigeons sneezes, and Believer falls over. Mulder runs under her, and catches her. Suddenly, the Lone Gunmen show up*

Langly: Get a new girlfriend Mulder?

*Mulder sets Believer down, and walks back over to Scully*

Mulder: Uhh, we've got to go now, a new alien conspiracy has come up. Bye. *Mulder and Scully run out*

Believer: Hey! How do you know that?

Jahar9: Ooo, a new conspiracy. And speaking of that, Ax, where is your projection coming from?

Ax: All I can say is it's like a mix between Abudabi and Timbuktu.

Sidney: Been braaaaaainnnnnwaaaaaaashed he has!

Believer: He's been brainwashed?

Jahar9: Hey, why are the cameras still on? The match is over, according to the rules.

Yoda: Got rules when did you?

Jahar9: Uhhh, umm. Good question?

Yoda: Thought so did I.

Pigeon: Gumby! *points at NSTINK* Lookie, it's gumby! And his twins!

*Jahar leans out the window to see, and Pigeon slips on some of Harpo's butter, and knocks Jahar out the window.*

Sidney: Jahar! No! The Jello! Noooooooo!

Jahar9: *singing* I believe I can fly, I believe I can touch the sky.

Believer: I BELIEVE!

*Mulder and Scully run back in*

Both: We believe!

Sidney: I believe, you believe, we all believe in....

Mulder: Ice cream?

Jahar9: Ahhahhhahaaaaaaaaaaaa!

Sidney: Know you do a very long fall that is...

*Mulder, Scully, Sidney, and Believer all jump out the window after Jahar. Pigeon stays behind and begins singing acapella, which causes BNL to jump too.....

::And, as everyone jumps, seemingly to a Jelloey greenness, Jahar9 starts to clap her hands furiously. Not knowing quite what else to do, everyone else joins in.::

Jahar9: I believe! I believe! Help! ::Just then, Tinkerbell flies in and sprinkles everyone with her magic fairy dust. Everyone stops in mid-air, hovers around for a bit, then flys back into the DeathMatch Arena where they fly around the room, frequently smashing into walls.::

Author: My work is now done. Well, not really, but I have a psychotherapist's appointment and I'm pressed for time. I must hand the sacred keyboard (now reconstructed from when it was last eaten) to the next...

Cheesy-Buttery Author!::

Author: Mwaahahahhahahahah! Hey? Why is the CAPS lock always on?

Ax: What is "Caps Lock"?

Believer: Nevermind Ax.

Jahar9: Weeeeee! I can flllliiiiiiiieeeeeeeee!

BNL: *talking amongst themselves* This'll be quite an interesting song. Yes it will. What type oftune should we put it to?

Pigeon: I'm a giant hairball short and stout. I have no handle, I have no snout.

Sidney: Thank you Pigeon.

Jahar9: Givvur two Wimas!

Believer: The Giver?

Pigeon: That Giver, always giving things.

Believer: No, I mean The Giver.

Pigeon: That's what I mean, The Giver gives stuff. That's what a giver does. *cheering* MalcolmMocha Sandra Schist, the Giver gives stuff like this! *Stuff (because that's the only way you candescribe it) falls from the ceiling, crushing Pigeon*

Sidney: Alas, poor Pigeon, we knew her well.

*Yoda digs Piegon out of the rub ble and boinks her on the head with a soggy moth*

Believer: Where in the world is Mulder? And Scully?

Mulder & Scully: I believe I can fly! I believe I can touch the sky!

Scully: I believe!

Believer: I believe too! See the name?

Jahar9: Warm-Fuzzy Believer!

Believer: Shut up Jahar. See, It's Believer.

Mulder: But you said Jahar.

Believer: Jahar's that nutso bean sprout over there. I'm Believer. Catch the Believe inthere?

Pigeon: Do you beeeeleeive in life after love?

*Yoda whacks Pigeon over the head with a bar graph*

Pigeon: Owiiieeee! Owwwwwwwweeeeee! Owe! Owe! Ow! Ouchie ouchie ouchi! Oochi!Ahooooga! Awooga! I hate bathtubs! Hate 'em hate 'em hate 'em!

*Yoda whacks Pigeon with a member of the Offspring (Noodles, to be exact)*

*Noodles jumps up and runs off*

Noodles: Man you people need jobs.

Jahar9: Thank you!

Pigeon: My friend's got a girlfriend and he hates that....

Believer: Yeah, I believe!

Mulder: I want to believe!

Believer: The truth is out there!

Mulder: Deny Everything!

Believer: Apology is policy!

Mulder: Trust no one!

Believer: Resist or serve!

Mulder: Believe the lie!

Believer: Everything dies!

Mulder: All lies lead to the truth!

Believer: Decieve, inveigle, obfuscate!

Mulder: E pur se mouve!

Believer: EI AANIIGOO AHOOTE!

Mulder: The End

Believer: Darn, I'm out.

Sidney: What was that?

Scully: I believe they were naming off all the variations of the X-Files tag lines, even some of the ones in different languages.

Pigeon: Mangez moi!

Jahar: That's terrible French! Oh yeah, and what does "EI AANIIGOO AHOOTE" mean?

Believer: Dunno.

BNL: Anyhoo and however. Shall we sing?

Believer: YEAH! How bout...If I had $1 000 000!!

BNL: Okay, let's gooooo!All: If I had a million dollars

Pigeon: If I had a million dollars

All: I would buy you a house

Pigeon: I would buy you a mouse

All: And if I had a million dollars

Pigeon: If I had a million dogs

All: I'd buy you furniture for your house

Pigeon: Maybe a nice Chester guy or an automatic man

All: If I had a million dollars

Pigeon: If I had a milligram of dompars

All: I would buy you a K-Car

Pigeon: A nice Reliant-on-you auto baby mobile!

All: If I had a million dollars...

Pigeon: I'd buy your affection...

All: If I had a million dollars:

Pigeon: I'd build a tree fart in out yard!

All: If I had a million dollars

Pigeon: You could help me I'm insane it wouldn't be that hard!

All: If I had a million dollars

Pigeon: Maybe we could put a--

Believer: Oh no you aren't messing up my favourite part!

(Believer solo): Maybe we could put a little tiny fridge in there somehwhere

Jahar: We could just go up there and hang out

Believer: And open the fridge and stuff, there would all be foods laid out for us with little pre-wrapped sausages and things.

Jahar: Mmm....

Believer: They have pre-wrapped sausages, but they don't have pre-wrapped bacon

Jahar: Well, can you blame 'em?

Believer: Yeah!

Author: Gee, I hate to interrupt this sweet musical you guys are putting on, but look!

Sidney: The lawnmower operator! Fred's back!

Jahar9: Isn't Fred a bus driver.

Believer: Different Fred.

Pigeon: Yodel-Flavored Postal Tracker Llamas!

*Yoda whacks Pigeon over the head with a doughnut, and Pigeon falls down, unconscious*

Jahar9: Wow, it took a doughnut to knock her down.

BNL: *whispering amongst themselves, again* This could be our next big hit, you know? The Weirdo song....

Believer: What are they saying?

Jahar9: Don't ask me. Maybe Yoda knows, he's got big ears.

Sidney: Insult Yoda's ears you shall not.

Piegon: Hark, thou stinketh!

*Yoda whacks Pigeon over the head with a sign that says "Getting old this is, or not is it?"*

Jahar9: Ahhhh! Rhetoric! *dives under her chair*

Yoda: Heard what they said I did.

Believer: What was it?

Jahar9: *singing* Things are getting weird, they're getting strange. Looks like a job for...Mulder & Scully!

Mulder: Huh?

Jahar9: At least I think that's how the song goes.

Sidney: Talking about what are you?

Believer: Back to where we were, what did you hear, Yoda?

*Pigeon begins to sing*

Pigeon: Yoda with your ears so big, won't you tell us what they said?

Mulder & Scully: Do you guys ever sleep?

Believer: Yup yup yup!

BNL: When?

Jahar: When the moon hits your eyes like a big moonstone, that's gotta hurt!

Sidney: Should not Pigeon be saying pointless, stupid things like that?

Pigeon: Diddly doooooooooooo!

Sidney: Much better that is.

Believer: Actually, Mulder and Scully are right. We should get some rest.

Scully: Hey, how come it's always "Mulder and Scully"? How come not "Scully and Mulder"?

Believer: Just 'cause. Cause I don't want to kiss you.

Scully: Ahhh...

Yoda: Tired are all of you. Get some sleep you should.

~The weirdos prepare for bed. The comb their armpit hair, brush their toes, and put on their OJ's. Then they all climb into one big weirdo bed.~

BNL: Hey, isn't it weird that you guys sleep in a gaint bed together? Wait, we don't want to know.

~The weirdos say goodnight to each other.~

Believer: Night-o, weirdos!

Jahar: Goodnight city!

Sidney: Night-good!

PK: C-yas.

Pigeon: Diddly...doo...

~As Pigeon falls asleep on her rock, the bed suddenly talks!!~

Bed: Ow! There are too many of you! Get off!

~The bed pushes Pigeon off.~

Bed: Sheesh, how much do you guys weigh?

~Bed pushes PK off. Then Believer. Then Jahar. Then Sidney. Finally, the Bed pulls the blanket up and falls asleep.~

Believer: Stupid bed. I'm sleeping in the Jello!

Jahar: I third that!

Sidney: See ya.

~Believer and Jahar go to jump into the green Jello below. Suddenly, Time freezes.~

Author: HAHa AH Ha AH ahaA hA aAHA AhAAAHaaHAAhhhhaaAAaH! HaAHHHAahahAhAhahAHah Haha haAh!! As if I'd let them SLEEP! Till next time, weirdo watchers. Till next time!!! AhahA AhhHAhahAHAhhAHAA!!

Go to the last and final Death Match:CDM 7