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appear in the middle of what seems to be a large-scale Broadway production::: Jahar9: ::whispering to the other Weirdos:: I think it's Cats. Believer: Cats? Jahar9: It's a play. Sidney: Always wanted to be on Broadway I have! Jahar9: So have I! ::Pigeon flies over the crowd, chased by a pack of very in-character cats, saving the already doomed CDM from a big song & dance number. The audience seems torn between watching the Pigeon Cat-astrophy and staring at the two unusually colored Power Rangers in the middle of the stage. One resembling Gillian Anderson, for some odd reason:: Author: Hmmmmmm Sidney: Tells me something does that Akron this is not. NorZacIsTay the slurpy: Now I know how ObiWan feels! Jahar9: ::stares up at NorZac:: In what way? NorZactheS: I dunno, just because. ::Pigeon flies back toward the stage, but plows into a wall instead:: Pigeon: There's a noodle in my shoe, there's a noodle in my shoe, there's a noodle in my shoe... ::Sidney runs over to Pigeon and puts her on her shell and hurries back to the vacuum:: Believer: We'd better get out of here. ::everyone jumps back into the vacuum, when suddenly it starts to clank, and jiggle like a mix between a smashed radio and jello:: Sidney: It's gonna blow! ::the vacuum disintigrates, leaving everyone stranded in Z-Space, but with Oxygen, weirdly enough. And why not? Anything can happen in a Weirdo Celebrity Deathmatch:: Scully: ::suddenly really angry with the author:: Can not! Author: Can too! Scully: Cannot! Author: Can too! Jahar9: ::ignoring Scully and the Author as they continue to argue:: Great, we're stuck here! Believer: Yaya. PK: Super Jerry Springer could save us! Mulder: Nack! Not him! ::suddenly Krycek appears in front of everyone, holding a magical spork:: Believer: Not you! ::Believer begins to pound Krycek with his non-fake arm:: Mulder: I shoulda killed him when I had the chance. Sidney: Your chance here is. ::Mulder takes out his gun, and aims it a Krycek:: Krycek: Stop! I can get you out of here, just don't kill me! Jahar9: They won't kill you.. ::whispering:: yet... Sidney: So get out of here how do we? Krycek: It's this Spork ::holds up the glowing magical Spork:: All (except Scully and the Author, who are still arguing...): Ooooo, ahhhh. Believer: And what's the catch? Krycek: Daytime TV. ::Krycek drops the Magical Spork and disappears:: Author: Can two! Scully: CAN NOT! And it's not "can two". I win! ::everyone ignores the OOC Scully until she says something in-character:: Scully: ::skeptically:: And how does this "Magical Spork" work? Jahar9: Ah, much better. ::Yoda whacks the author with.... A HERRING, then runs of to cut down the largest tree in the forest and to find a shrubbery. Sidney picks up the spork, and it begins to glow, and with a flash, everyone disappears from Z-Space, and after a brief psychedelic scene of bright swirling colors, they appear nowhere else but..........Scotland! Where the men are men, the women are men, and the sheep are very... ne-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-evous!:: Pigeon: ::Does an orange-and-black-painted Xena yell:: Ayeyeyeyeyeyeyeyeyey-sheeeeeeeee-rra! Jahar9: ::Blinks:: Um... This is Scotland, Pigeon, not Greece. Believer: Foof. Sidney: Yes, Beaver the believer in beavers who believe in believer beavers? Believer: You silly leetle Multi-Colored Armadillo. Did you mess up with the sporkie thingie-ma-bob? Sidney: Time you must give me, the hang of this I do not have yet! Try this you should sometime, the this being something tried no one else has ever before to try to do... I mean... mean I do... ERF! Frustrated I am now. Believer: Uh... yeah. Calm down, Sidney, everything's juuuuust fine. Scully: That's what they all say. Believer: ::Dark glare at Scully:: Try it again, Sid. Pigeon: Play it again, Sam! ::Falls over laughing, then falls over while still on the ground:: Jahar9: That's my action! You Pansy you, you can't have it! PK: Hey... you guys...? Everyone, including the author: What? PK: What is... that...? Jahar9: ::Points and puts one hand on her head:: It's a SHAGGY COW! Pigeon: Where's the Scooby cow? Sidney: Hee-lan coo, where are you? You got some 'splainin to do! Believer: Woo, déja vous. Jahar9: Foo...f. ::Smiles triumphantly:: Pigeon: Achoo! Believer: Er, have it wrong you do. Like this it is:
Scully: Could we stop this ridiculous rhyming? Mulder: Yeah, it's throwing off my timing. Scully: ::Glares at Mulder:: Mulder: ::Shrugs, but he's grinning:: Believer: Mulder? Dearie? Sweetie-poo? PK: I think I'm gonna hurl-- Sidney: That's true! Yoda: ::Glares at Sidney:: Sidney: Rhyming makes a difference too! Yoda: Have to get somewhere you do. Sidney: Yeah, that's right, I guess. Oh, foo. ::Waves the magikal spork in the air again, and they're all suddenly on... Oprah!:: Oprah: And here are today's guests: Weirdos. With a mission. Jahar9: How'd she... Pigeon: Oprah knows all. ::Harpo pops out of head and honks his horn at Oprah, and looks at her upside-down, then goes back inside:: Sidney: Ow! Goodness gracious my, oh, me-- Believer: --I have really got to see-- Jahar9: --I will say it joyfully! Sidney, Believer, and Jahar: Goodness, gracious, my, oh, me! Sidney: Anyhoo and however-- Believer: --which is really my phrase-- Sidney: Ahem! Would interrupting me people PLEASE stop at doing? ::Sound of crickets chirping:: Thank you. As about to say I was-- Pigeon: ::Smiling:: --before you were so rudely interrupted. Sidney: ::Clears her throat:: Yes. ::Waits a while:: Mmmm. Yees. Now, as about to say I was, Oprah Harpo backwards is. Oprah:: ...yeah. Right. Anyway, folks, these are the Weirdos. There you have it. Our next guest is-- Mulder: Wait a minute, that was it? Scully: Well, I think the audience has seen how weird the Weirdos are. Mulder: Yes, but... ::Pirouettes to the center of the stage:: The lights! The camera! The action! The audience! The glamour! Believer: Sidney, cut it out, you're ruining him! Sidney: ::Blinks:: Doing what am I? Jahar9: Using the Force of the Mighty Dangling Participle to your own e-lol ends. Sidney: No-uh! Pigeon: I like him better that way. ::Yoda fwaps Pigeon with "the crawfish they caught in Arabie!":: HE HIT ME WITH A BUG!! A BUG, I TELL YOU, A BUG! Sidney: Crawfish. It's seafood, Pigeon. Jahar9: That's why the Pigeon was a Pansy. Scully: That still doesn't explain what he's doing. PK: Maybe he just wants to have all the glory for once. ::Mutters under her breath:: Like he doezn't already. Scully: Doesn't! Believer: THAT'S what he was talking about! Jahar9: What who was talking about what, when where why and sometimes how? Believer: Krycek! ::Lowers her voice:: Daytime TV, man. Daytime TV. ::Everyone gasps! When suddenly....... bright lights and reeeeeeeeeeeally bad special effects flash:: Sidney: Whoa. Weird that was! Pigeon: Ditto! Make a ditto! ::runs backstage to copy her tailfeathers:: Jahar9:
Dean Cain: Shut up Jahar. ::Jahar9 bashes Dean cain over the head with the magical spork, and he suddenly starts to mutate:: Jahar: Ummmmm....oops? ::quickly gives the spork back to Sidney:: Maybe we should get out of here? Believer: But Jahar! She doezn't know what she's doing! Jahar: Neither do any of us! ::screams backstage to Pigeon:: Cummon! We've got to get out of here before we become the laughing stalks of the entire Western World. As if we weren't already, but I don't want to be the Weirdo magician! ::Sidney begins to wave the spork just as a group of dogs named Buddy storm the stage:: Sidney: Bad foreshadowning this could be.... ::a sudden rip in the time-space continuum saves the Weirdos from their impending doom in Logical World, and instead scatters them in...:: Author: ::in a high-pitched, sing-song voice:: The Wonderful Wizard of Oz! Believer: It's the land of Oz you gazoo! The entire place is not called the Wizard of Oz! Sidney: Gazoooooooooooooo! Scully: We're doomed. ::ah-hem, as I was saying, the were scattered throughout the Land of Oz:: ::a breif pause in time occurs as the author shuffles through the notes to find who's who and where, then smiles goofily when she can't seem to find them:: Beaver (aka Dorothy): Oooooh, pretty colours... Pinkie (aka ToeToe): Wrow.....yip! Sshhhhhhure arrrrrrre. Dorothy the Believer: I don't think we're on Oprah anymore, ToeToe. ::Dorothy the Believer looks down at the spork which brought her here. It has grown to be the size of five cars, and CSM is squeeshed under it! But all the other Weirdos seemed to have disappeared....:: Author: Hey! Where are the purple napkin eaters? This isn't going...oh, wait, wrong plot... Dorothy: Oh, loookie here! A road made of yellow butter! Let's follow it! ::They follow the Yellow Butter Road for a while until the see...the BNL as munchkins!:: BNL Munchkins: Hee heeeeeeee....welcome to the Wizard of Oz! Dorothy: ::under her breath:: It's Oz, not the Wizard of Oz. ToeToe: RRRRrrrrrrowf! BNL Munchkins: It's been five minutes since you landed on the CSM, walked down the yellow butter road and said "Oz". Three minutes since you found us, and now we're singing thi-is song... Dorothy: Um. BNL Munchkins: This is you in Ozzzzzzz Dorothy, yeah, this is you in Oz! ::All of a sudden, a glowing ball of what appears to be pansies mixed with plot holes comes floating down. Out of it pops...Pigeon, the good pansy witch!:: Pigeon: Are you a good Weirdo, or a bad one? Dorothy the Believer: Why, I'm not...oh, nevermind. I mean, a good Weirdo. I think. Pigeon: Well, we thank you for killing the CSM. Here, I will shrink your spork for you and you can take it with you for...well, for whatever you use a spork for. Dorothy: Thanks... ::Dorothy takes the spork, and all of a sudden, with a shower of cheeze-its and butterballs, she finds herself..... outside the land of BNL munchkins, and on the yellow butter road again, with a warning blaring in her head... "Don't take the spork off your foot you pansy!":: Toe-Toe: Grrrrowowowwww! ::runs over to the friendly neighborhood scareailen/crow:: Scarecrow: Why hello there Dorothy! Dorothy: Uhhh... Umm.... Hi? Toe-Toe: Rrrrowf! Smellrrrrows frooowney! ::sniffs around the sc:: Scarecrow: Where are you going today? Dorothy: I don't know. I'm kinda lost... Scarecrow: Well. You can go that way.. ::points to the left:: Or, you can go that way. ::points to the right:: Or, you could go down the road a couple more miles and have the tin Jahar chop you in half so you can go both ways at once. Or, you can have the aliens abduct you and go neither way. Dorothy: Thats... quite alright there. I'll just go this way. ::points to the southeast:: Scarecrow: So you don't want to meet the tin Jahar? Dorothy: Ummm. I suppose I do, but I don't know which way to go. And you look familliar somehow. Do I know you? Scarecrow: Yes! We are kindred spirits! Two of a kind! I'm going to marry you when we get to the Wizard of Oz! He's a mail-order minister ya know? ::the current author quickly swipes the keyboard off of the real Believer:: Dorothy: Darned author! ::shakes her fist at the sky:: Though, ::to the scarecrow:: I do know who you are now. Scarecrow: I'd know too, if I only had a brain. ::first song & dance # is cut due to budget shortcomings and lack of skills on the part of the Scarecrow:: Scarecrow: I heard that! ::shakes his fist at the sky, and falls off his pole and into the cornfield:: Dorothy: I suppose we should be on our way... ::suddenly black helicopters appear over the cornfield and Dorothy and the Scarecrow run away through it until they hit the edge of the forest, where they find..... the Tin Jahar (TJ):: TJ: Howdy do there Weirdos on Parade! ::falls over:: Dorothy: Why am I not surprised? ::Toe-Toe runs over and chews on TJ's foot:: TJ: Ow! Ow! Hey! That tickles! And hurts! ::falls over while still on the ground:: ::suddenly, a black helicopter lands and out comes Krycek, the Wicked Warlock of the West Side of Youngstown.....errr, just of the West:: Krycek: Mweeehehehee! You all will die! Die! Die! Die! Die! Die! Die! Die! Die! Die! Die! And rot! And Die again! Unless you're a Leo. Because then you're not gonna die. ::Pigeon the Good Pansy Witch appears and cheers that she's not gonna die because she's a Leo:: ::TJ tries to get up, and falls over to top the WWotW, making a clanking kinds Stomp sound, which begins the first song and dance number of Oz:: ::Actually, it doezn't...well....:: ::TJ jumps up and begins to sing her school's Alma Mater with Pigeon the Good Pansy Witch while dancing around in happy little circles:: Krycek: NOOOOOOO! Not that! I'll get you my pretties! Scarecrow: I knew he was gay... merry and strong sing we a song! Krycek: And I will get that foot spork! ::Krycek kisses the Scarecrow goodbye and the crazy crew goez on it's way, until they meet... The Scully Tree!!!!!!!!!:: Narrator With a Brittish Accent: Hey! That was not in the Wizard of Oz! Author: Was too! ST: Was not! ::the narrator cuts the keyboard cord to prevent another annoying argument and elevator versions of BNL songs play while the author runs to Radio Shack to find another one:: Author: Now as I was saying, it's my story, I can write it how I like. Narrator: But you're ruining a classic! ST: And I'm a tree! Author: Well, you needed to go somewhere! ST: But a tree? Narrator: Why not? She's nuts? It's her story! Let her ruin it all by herself! I'll just leave the Narrator with a Greek accent to do my job! ::cuts the monitor cord and everything in the Wizard of Oz goes black:: Narrator: And for the love of Yoda, it's Oz you ninny! TJ: Niney! Dorothy: Tiny! Pigeon: Spiney! ST: This is ridiculous. I'm leaving! ::picks up her roots and runs away to the Seafoam City:: Scarecrow: What now? TJ: Onward and upwords! ::flings out her gameboard and starts to play with her invisible friend Ruthelford:: ::Dorothy rolls her eyes and continues down the road, which is now make of Yellow Brick Cheese.... They continue along the Yellow Brick Cheese road, when they come to a forest made of Krycek's spare arms...:: Dorothy: Grrrr...this forest made of Krycek's spare arms creeeeeeeepies me out! Scarecrow: Here, let me hold you my darling so that nothing will-- ::Author once again swipes the keyboard from Believer, who complains loudly that if the author doezn't quit it, she'll never get hooked up with Mulder and watch out then!!:: Scarecrow: Ahem, as I was saying, if I had a brain, I would be able to tell you to be careful. Tin Jahar: How did you lose your brain? Scarecrow: The aliens took it. Dorothy: Ah. Tin Jahar: ::alarmed:: were they purple?? Scraecrow: Nah, they were gray. And mango. Tin Jahar: MANGOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! ::Falls over:: ::They continue into the wacky forest of Krycek's spare arms, when all of a sudden, a huge, weirdly plated, multi-coloured weird thing bursts out of a finger of one of the arms!:: Sidney the cowardly armadillo: LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLO! Tin Jahar: You called many times? ::Falls over once again:: ToeToe: Grrrrrrrrrrowf! Arrrrrr arrrrrrmaaaaaaaaadeeeeeeeeeeeelow! Sindey the cowardly armadillo: Freak and/or weird you out did I? Dorothy: Sigh. We're in the Wizard of Oz, and you STILL speak like Yoda? STCA: If speak like Yoda I did not, cowardly armadillo of what kind would I be? Dorothy: I suppose I see your point... Scarecrow: Say, you remind me of someone....aha! I remember! You're the-- ::STCA whaps the scarecrow in the knee with a blowfish:: STCA: Shhhhhhh.... ::The rest stand wondering what the heck that was all about, when all of a sudden... Jahar's History teacher appears in the middle of the Spare Arm Forest and doez his Xena Warrior Princess impression:: JHT (Jahar's History Teacher): The Wizard of Oz is really an allegory. Everyone and everything represents something from it's time period. ::TJ puts on her headphones and listens to her BNL CD's because she's heard this lecture before:: STCA: Means what do the flying minkeys, mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm? JHT: I learned a lot of what I know from the classic movies I've seen. Has anyone here seen Ben Herr? ::JHT looks around at all the blank faces and TJ starts to sing along with her CD:: JHT: Oh cumm'on? No one has seen Ben Hur? ::goes on to explain the entire long story.....:: TJ: ::singing along::
STCA: Well now, intersting that was. TJ: Huh? ::has her CD player up so loud she can't hear anyone (and is at least partially deaf), and everyone can hear what's playing, which is how and why they all decided to sing along with her. That, and they coudln't stand to hear her voice any longer::. JHT: Jahar! Put the headphones away! TJ: ACK! ::jumps up and her headphones fall off:: Umm... Yeah. I heard everything you said to me. ::falls over:: Dorothy: Umm, guys, aren't we supposed to be in the Wizard of Oz? JHT: Oh yes. Does anyone know what Oz really means? Toe-Toe: Ozzzzzwrowoofffofffbert! Dorothy: Odd! TJ: It's ounces. JHT: And what do ounces measure? Toe-Toe: Foof! ::STCA whacks Toe-Toe with an acient relic and the scarecrow's head blows up:: Dorothy: That's it author! Now you're gonna get it! ::suddenly JHT disappears and is replaced with the Author itself! Dum dum dummmmmm:: Author: Bwaaaahahaha! Buaahahahaa! Mwaahahaha! And also Mweeeeheheheheeee! STCA: Think I do that liked Jahar's teacher better I did. Author: What's wrong with you? STCA: Write me like this you do. Author: Oh hmmm. Yes. I suppose I do. ::the Author begins to talk to itself:: Yes, that would be a very good idea Author dear. Yes, we can begin every sentance with Yes, and make Believer/Dorothy suffer from Mulderlessness. Yes, very good indeed. ::suddenly a clone of TJ appears:: TJ2: Bwaaaahahaha! Buaahahahaa! Mwaahahaha! And also Mweeeeheheheheeee! Yes author, I shall serve you.... ::Krycek the WWotW also appears in front of the Weirdos:: WWotW: Bwaaaahahaha! Buaahahahaa! Mwaahahaha! And also Mweeeeheheheheeee! Yada yada yada. You get the point. I will destroy you all!!!!! Author: I will get you for not inviting me to your big par-tay! ::the Author begins to destroy the CDM in his own e-lol ways by first sealing Jahar's HTML, then... well.. he already killed Mulder... oh yes! And he steals Yoda and all Yoda-speak!:: Narrator w/ a Greek Accent (who is really Ruthelford in disguise, shhhh. This will be important later ;-): What ever will the weirdos do? Huh? HUH? HUH?! This is worse than being locked in a room with Richard Simmons on a Saturday night when you should be watching X-Files! This is worse than being locked in a room with Richard Simmons over a long weekend with no food, lots of oldies music, and homework! This is worse than...than.... anything! What other types of horrors await the Weirdos under the e-vil tyrannies of the author? Author: If I knew what that word meant I'd strike you down right here, right now! ::starts to sing, and the entire world ceases to exist.... |
On to the next section, until I compile this stuff the way it should be... Onward!