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OH NOOOO! ::kicks AOL::
Monday, 06-Dec-1999 21:01:16 writes:

    Jahar9's History teacher (again) and Jahar9's e-vil twin, whom the author has secretly infused with Hanson and 'NSYNC DNA. She's a Hanson/'NSYNC hybrid! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!::

    Sidney: Believe I do...

    Believer: ::interrupting:: Believe I do!

    Sidney: Yeah.. ah-hem... Think I do that having Jahar as the author right now is... notgood.

    PK: Who elected her anyway?

    Jahar9: ::seemingly just a leetle teensy-weensy tinky-winky bit preoccupied:: Yeah. Uh-huh. ::continues typing::

    Ruthelford: And then Believer sneezed and something REALLY big flew out of her...

    Believer: HEY! What are you writing about me Jahar?

    Jahar9: Euhmm.. nothing!

    Believer: Yeah, sure. Like I can't hear the narrator!

    Ruthelford: Who, me?

    Pigeon: You're deef!

    Pinkie: I'm not the newbie anymore! I'm not the newbie anymore! ::dances around insanely:: I'm not the newbie! I'm not the newbie! ::throws the mops, brooms, shovels, pails, dust pans, shoe shine, and other cleaning supplies to Newbie Nwebie Eibwen, then skips off chanting "Not the newbie, not the newbie"::

    Jahar9: Hey, what's a good par-tay without... CHEESE! ::grabs some cheese from Pigeon's plot hole and begins to sing to the tune of Ricky Martin's "She's all I'll Ever Have":: 

    In a can
    fit for kings
    cause blood clots
    and without seams
    In a can
    Alone again
    Straight from a cow
    or pasturized 

    ::everyone joins in on the CHORUS::
    Everyone: Cheese-all, Cheese, all I've ever had
    Cheese aerosol, cheesey keys
    Cheese-all, Cheese, all I'll ever have

    It's the way cheese makes me feel
    It's only sometimes real
    It's the way it's in a can
    Cheese, I love it, Cheese 'da man!
    And when I eat it pasturized
    It's the way I feel inside
    From the can I want to be
    Cheese, all I'll ever need

    ::traditional Sidney solo and Yoda tap dance::

    So much time
    Not much pain(but)
    There's one thing
    That still remains (it's the)
    The way it cared
    The food we shared
    And through it all
    Cheeses' always been there

    Everyone: Cheese-all, Cheese, all I've ever had
    In a word, it's cold, so cheesy
    Cheese-all, Cheese, all I'll ever have

    It's the way cheese makes me feel

    Scully: This singing's loosing it's appeal

    Cheese, I love it, Cheese 'da man!
    And when I eat it pasturized
    It's the way I feel inside
    From the can I want to be
    Cheese, all I'll ever need 

    ::the Weirdos continue to par-tay.. seemingly not noticing the ominous presence of Jahar9's e-vil Hybrid twin... until the year 2000 when everyone's microwaves blow up and shoot through the roof. Unfortunately, the Weirdos were not warned that their arena was, in a past life, a microwave factory, and before Pigeon could make a stupid comment... 

    Pigeon: Cheese 'da man! Is cheese K2Y compliant?

    .. maybe not.. they were all on the Martian southern ice cap inside the arena::

    Ruthelford: Dun dun dummmmm.

    ::"Michael Bob" runs in, does his James Bond impression, runs out the door, and is frozen instantly::

    Pigeon: Must be cold out.

    Sidney: Yeah. For an Ohioan to freeze, really cold it must be!

    Jahar9: Hey!

    Believer: At least we bought that discount heater from Al's Discount Outlet Barn Shed thing.

    Jahar9: Euhmmm.. ::shudders at the mention of Al's Discount Outlet Barn Shed thing:: Remeber our last experience with that?

    Ruthelford: Hey guys, aren't you forgetting something?

    Believer: Quiet, narrator! You're even lower than the newbie!

    Jahar9: Leave my Ruthelford alone!

    Pigeon: Jahar's got a boy-friend, Jahar's got a boy-friend!

    Jahar9: Yes, Jahar's got a boyfriend, but it's not Ruthelford. ::falls over:: Urg! ::shudders:: Boyfriend.

    Sidney: But right Ruthelford is, need to do the match we must! Later the par-tay can be, mmmmmmmmm, yees.

    Power Rangers minus Jahar9 & Scully: It's Morphin Time!

    Pigeon: Morphine time! ::runs off into her plothole::

    Jahar9: ::looks at Scully:: Ready?

    Scully: ::overenthusiastically:: YEAH!

    ::The Animorphs and Power Rangers enter the ring, and prepare to do battle as the final round of the final WCDM re-begins. The author begins to sniffle and cry so hard that the next author has to take over.....::

    Sidney: And let the match begin we will!

    ::Eibwen the Nwebie bangs on the gong with his head, signalling the re-beginning of the match::

    Pinkie: Yikes! These guys are wasting no time!

    Believer: How does one waste time? Really, can time be saved? Not really. So how can it be wasted? ::continues to mumble on about the time-space continuum::

    Sidney: Has to hurt that does! Just fwapped the blue power ranger on the head with Marco in panurple salmon morph did Rachel!

    Pinkie: Aren't we missing something? I mean, I'm not new anymore, but...

    Believer: A ref! We need a new ref!

    Sidney: Wonder I do who it could be...

    ::Regis Philbin shows up, wearing a panurple shiny tie::


    Ruthelford: Just kidding!

    ::Regis disappears::

    Pinkie: Say, I know who it could be! Gerund Man!

    Believer: ::suspiciously:: Hey....who told you about Gerund Man?

    Pinkie: Um, well, er, I um, have, uh, these psychic kind of, like, um, powers....

    ::Gerund Man appears out of Pigeon's plot hole, which Nwebie is cleaning with a tooth brush bristle::

    Jahar9: GERUND MAN!!!!!!

    Scully: ::drops kicks Jake who's trying to gnaw on her leg:: Who?

    Jahar9: Gerund Man! Half noun, half verb, half man!

    Scully: That's too many halves...

    ::Jahar9 jumps out of the ring and gives Gerund Man a beeg hug::

    Jahar9: I knew you'd come!

    ::Cassie in whale morph attacks the red power ranger, and Jahar9 jumps back into the ring::

    Sidney: Heating up this battle is!

    Pinkie: Defintitely! But look! Jahar9 has a secret weapon! And she's choosing to keep it a secret!

    ::All watch as Jahar9 uses her secret weapon against the Animorphs::

    Believer: I have the feeling we're missing someone...

    Pigeon: ::pops out of her plot hole:: PK! ::jumps back in and smiles e-villy at Nwebie:: You missed a spot!

    Nwebie: Where?

    Pigeon: ::points all over:: There!

    Sidney: Yes, disappeared PK has!

    Believer: Odd that is...I mean, that's odd.

    ::All of a sudden, Jahar9's evil hybrid twin pops out of Pigeon's plot hole and into the ring! The author screams and faints, letting the next one take over...which the next author doez::

    Jahar9: Eep! My e-vil Hanson/Nstink hybrid twin!

    ::the author, who happens to currently be Jahar, decides that it would be a safer world for Weirdocracy if her twin magically disappeared for a little while::

    Believer: Yae!

    Gerund Man: We should get back to the fight.

    Jahar9: Shall we?

    Pigeon: Let's shall!

    ::As the Animorphs and Potty Trainers stand at the ready, sweat running down none of their faces, seeing as they're all wearing helmets or are morphed, suddenly...::

    Cassie: Wait! This is completely wrong.

    Rachel: What do you mean? What the heck is wrong with you?

    Cassie: Aren't we supposed to be fighting the yeerks? We have no logical reason to be fighting them. We're on the same side! At least in the good vs. e-vil way.

    ::Jahar9 doubles over screaming at the mention of logic and the Potty Trainers and Animorphs, moved by Cassie's speach, jump the ropes and leave::

    Believer: How anti-climactic!

    Sidney: Right you are.

    ::everyone gets up to leave when they see none other than...... Jahar9's Hanson/NSTINK hybrid evil twin at the door::

    Believer: Do what will we now?

    E-vil Jahar: You all know that because Jahar is the author that I can also author myself back into the story, right?

    ::everyone stares blankly at E-J9::

    E-J9: Morons! I will destroy you all!


    ::beepbeepbeep beep beepbeepbeep::

    ::Jahar9 sits at a newsdesk stacked with papers::

    Jahar9: We interrupt this quality entertainment to bring you this new news. This just in. It has been reported that Who Wants to be a Millionaire's success is contributed largely to the fact that it proves that a large percentage of the American public is very stupid... and these are just those that make it onto the show. It was also revealed earlier today that the so-called General Motors Company (GM) is really Gerund Man Industries' mild-mannered disguise. That's all we have for now, good... ::a tall, lanky boy with thick-rimmed glasses runs in with a new stack of papers and gives them to Jahar:: Oh! I have just been told that the entire population of the state of New York has been wiped out by a small outbreak of Leprosy, also known as Hansen's disease. The only survivors are the Clinton family and New York City Mayor Guiliani. More on this later. Until then, the National Weather Service has advised everyone to hide under their beds until this crisis has been averted. We now bring you back to your regularly scheduled deathmatch, already in progress.

    Sidney: Looks it doez like the end for us this is!

    Jahar9: I must fight my e-vil twin!

    Believer: Why?

    Jahar9: Cummon! Anyone that's ever read anything clichèd knows that the real person has to fight the twin. It's the only way to get rid of 'em. Otherwise they always come back again.. it's like Evil Jon in Goats or a bad soap opera. ::shudders:: Not to compare Goats to a soap opera. Plus since this CDM never really had a fight....

    ::suddenly, (as all bad things begin here) ITW shows up::

    ITW: Mwahahahahaha!

    E-J9: Mwahahahaha!

    Jahar9: Yikes..... not good. Help me, Gerund Man!

    ::Dean Cain flies in::

    Jahar9: I distinctly remember saying "Gerund Man." Not Dean Cain.

    ::Dean Cain looks dejected::

    Jahar9: Ok, you can help... here ::gives Dean a stool:: You can be like the person that gives the boxer water.

    Dean: Yae! ::hands Jahar her big purple "9" cape::

    Jahar9: ::looks back up at the commentators:: You don't mind me... eh... fighting again, do you?

    All the commentators: Of course we do!

    Believer: ::winks:: If we were to be sarcastic.

    Jahar9: Er... good, I think.

    Sidney: Hey, wasn't Diablo the one to defeat E-vil Jon? Since Jon got shrunk by the pudding? Or something?

    Jahar9: ::She pauses for a moment, and blinks:: Good golly, I hope not.

    Pinkie: Good golly, Miss Molly! Pudding! ::Dives into a giant vat of pudding and when she comes up, all you can see is gooey brown stuff all over her and a beeeeeeeg grin.::

    Pigeon: ::Sticks her head out of the plot hole:: Hey, no fair! She gets pudding and we don't!

    PK: ::Suddenly appears, grabs a handful of pudding from Pinkie's vat, and throws it at Pigeon.::

    Pigeon: ::Licks her nose.::

    Jahar9: Come ooooon, now! I have to fight e-vil mee and e-vil ITW! And clean that up, or use some forks and knives and spoons, or something.

    Sidney: Right you are, and here you are also! ::Digs inside her shell until she comes out with some odd Multi-Colored object at Pigeon, who catches it. And it is revealed to be none other than...!::

    ::Suspense again.::

    ::Ain't it fun?::

    ::Enough of that. None other than... the magikal SPORK!::

    All: Oooh.

    ITW: Oh, I'm melting, I'm melting! ::And ITW is, indeed, melting. Lucky us.::

    Pinkie: ::Sniff:: So's the pudding. ::Then breaks out in a bout of hystericalness, and cries. Scully runs up and pats her on the head many times to calm her down. Said pats only serve to knock her unconscious... which, to us, is the same thing. Guess do I. Oh... wait... right. Out of the story...::

    Jahar9: So's the DeathMatch arena! We'd better get out of here!

    EJ9: For once, you're being ::cough::logical.::cough. And EJ9 runs out of the Arena, and is instantly frozen. Not having realized that Michael Bob had done that already, EJ9 freezes stiff in her place.

    Believer: Wow! Well, that problem's kind of fixededed. But what now? And what about the arena?

    Jahar9: And what about that dratted spork?

    Mulder: And what about Scully and the strange white mouse she knocked unconscious?

    Sidney: And about what Agent Smith!?! ::Well... suffice it to say, that particular statement is ignored.::

    Pigeon: And what about my pudding?

    ::From inside Pigeon's plot hole.::

    PK: And what about me?

    Jahar9: MY DEATHMATCH AREANA! ::scoops up some of the now-gooey floor::

    ::suddenly a voice from afar is heard from.. well.. afar::

    Voice: What about me??

    Believer: Who's me?

    Pigeon: You're you!

    PK: Then who's that? ::points to a hole in the wall where someone is standing::

    ::everyone shrugs::

    Sidney: Outside they are! Frozen they must be!

    ::Jahar9, still in her super-hero mentality decides that she will save them, whoever they are::

    Jahar9: I'll save you, whoever you are! ::flies out of the arena and freezes solid::

    Believer: Like Weirdo, like evil twin. ::nods::

    Sidney: Saw that coming I should have.

    PK: Only Super Jerry Springer can save us now!!!

    ::Dean Cain flies in::

    Dean: I'll save you!

    Believer: Does anyone else notice that this is a pathetic cry for attention?

    ::everyone ignored Dean Cain::

    Dean: But I'm a SUPER HERO!

    Pigeon: Good. Then hold up the arena, save Jahar, and everyone can come inside my plothole so they don't freeze.

    ::everyone just gazes wide-mouthed a Pigeon::

    Sidney: An... IDEA did Pigeon just have?!?!

    Believer: An idea Pigeon had!

    ::everyone falls over at once, springing the Deathmatch arena off of Mars and onto the *********, Ontario Nuclear Power Plant::

    Pinkie: ::waking up:: Where are we? ::pauses and looks around outside:: HOME!

    ::Pinkie and Believer dance around, then fall into Lake Ontario with the 3-eyed feesh::

    Sidney: Means this doez that close to Ohio we sort of are?

    Believer: I know Ohio! But really we're closer to New York.

    PK: We should go to Akron and save Ghost!

    Audience Member: I've always wanted to see Akron! We can stop at Sea World on the way!

    Sidney: Quiet you! No more side-trips. Get down to business we must, or end this WCDM never will!

    Believer: Worse than 6 and 5 it could be!

    Pinkie: Worse than 6 and 5 it already is!

    Sidney: True...

    PK: Hey, someone's being really quiet.

    Believer: Yeah(hoo)! Pigeon hasn't said a stupid thing yet!

    ::abruptly (as opposed to suddenly) two oddly-shaped blocks of ice fall from the sky::

    Sidney: Falling the sky is! Falling the sky is!

    ::Pigeon and Jahar splash into Lake Ontario::

    Believer: Oh no!! They must have hypothermia!

    Sidney: And never thaw in Canada they will!

    PK: They don't even sell bathing suits in Canada!

    Believer: ::glares at them:: Yeah, we all swim naked.

    ::everyone looks disgusted and backs away from her::

    Mulder: Is that how the Barenaked Ladies got named?

    ::Believer just shakes her head, gives Mulder a hug, and swims over to Jahar and Pigeon, who are sinking to the bottom. The rest of the weirdos follow soon after::

    Sidney: Getting radioactive-green it is down here!

    ::Pigeon and Jahar hit the radioactive goop and immediately de-frost and float to the surface. Believer and Pinkie rescue them and the Magic Spork and take them all back to Believer's house where they eat Shreddies and watch taped episodes of the X-Files::

    Early the Next Morning:

    Sidney: Do what will we about the arena?

    Jahar9: I guess it doesn't really matter, now that the deathmatches are over.. And there's still a bit of it left. The basement's still intact and the ceiling is there.. give or take a few holes.... ::looks sad::

    Believer: It could be worse. We could have had no fight at all in the last deathmatch.

    ::Jahar looks over at Believer::

    Jahar: We didn't.

    Believer: Oh, that's right.

    Sidney: You know... saved Ghost we never did...

    ::everyone looks up, hoping for an easy-out like they had with Pigeon and Jahar, but nothing falls::

    Jahar: Drat.. this means we've got to leave Beaver's wonderful Canadian abode, doesn't it?

    Pigeon: ROAD TRIP! I saw that movie twice!

    ::Jahar9 shakes her head and rolls her eyes::

    Believer: But... we can't drive!

    Sidney: I can!

    Jahar9: I almost can... if I happened to be insured, which I'm not.

    Pigeon: Ha-ha! I already have a car! It's purrrple.... we're not crackheads or anything.

    Jahar9: Suuuuure. ::under her breath:: Druggie freak! ::sings:: Druggie Freak, Druggie freak! She's drugged and freak-ay!

    Pigeon: ::sniffles:: That hurt! My TOE! Some Yeahoo left the drugs... heh heh heh. STOP IT! Now back to the thing. We've got to go to ACORN!

    Sidney: AKRON it is, Pigeon.

    Pigeon: Oh, yeah.

    ::everyone somehow piles into Sidney's cherry red GMC Jimmy. This including Mulder, Scully, both the NorZacs, and the entire audience. They drive into Lake Ontario and across to New York.::

    Pigeon: My hamburger! The window! NOOOOOOO!

    Believer: I thought you had a noodle in your shoe, not a hamburger.

    Jahar9: It's a complete meal! Pigeon food-dispencer version 2.0! ::falls over::

    PK: How can you fall over in a car? Especially one that's still full of radioactive Canadian Lake Ontario water.

    Pigeon: The fishies! ::tries to eat feesh::

    Jahar9: Ow Pigeon! That was MY TOE! As in mitochondria! ::winks:: Where else do you think I get all this energy to act like an idiot?

    ::and, as they were crossing the Pennsylvania/Ohio state border (which is kind of hard, considering they haven't seemed to have gotten out of New York) the car breaks down::

    Pigeon: I know how to fix this! I saw this in a movie once. All we have to do is steal a blind person's bus!

    Jahar9: But, Pigeon... that's your house right over..

    Pigeon: Shut up! I had an idea!

    ::so everyone climbs out of the car and walks to Yunkstown where they steal a special ed bus from the junkyard. On the side it says *********** Local Schools. (which says a lot for Jahar and Pigeon's school...) Everyone fits slightly more comfortably onto the bus while Pigeon and Jahar9 sing the Alma Mater once again::

    Jahar9 and Pigeon: Gay merry and strong sing we a song ******field HIGH to theeeee!

    Everyone else: SHUT UP!

    ::and then Fat ******* from Austin Powers II walks in::

    Fat: Looks like a Lacie! Get in my bellay!

    ::everyone points and laughs::

    Pigeon: Mmmm! Chicken!

    Believer: Is that cannibalism?

    Sidney: Is what cannibalism?

    Believer: If Pigeon ate chicken.

    Pigeon: Depends on what kind. Is it krispy or friend?

    ::Jahar sits and shakes her head at the bad play on words pigeon comes up with::

    Pigeon: ::singing:: Over Lake Erie and to the right, to Believer's house we go!

    Believer: We're not going to my house anymore... we're going to Akron!

    Sidney: To rescue Ghost, we are going!

    Jahar9: My yard, my yard! Let me drive! ::grabs the wheel and steers the bus over the ditch, loses control, and hits her neighbor's house::

    Pigeon: JAAAAHAR! You're going to hit your neighbor's house! Winky! The one-eyed winking wonder-dog! We must save her! ::flies away for no apparent reason, then returns dragging her dog Weef::

    Jahar9: WEEEEEEEEF!

    ::everyone stares at Jahar and Pigeon. Jahar runs into her yard and picks up Zeke the Wonder Puppy and the magical Lemon Zucchini Muffins (that not even Zeke can eat)::

    Sidney: That's all well and good Pigeon...AND Jahar, but getting to Akron we must.

    ::Sidney drives over to first Jahar's house and picks up the land yaught and then to Pigeon's to pick up the ghetto wagon/boat to go to acorn, or..akron::

    Pigeon's little sister: Ooh, people! Wanna see narlo???? HUH HUH HUH???

    Believer: What's a Narlo? Is that an American car??

    Pigeon's little sister: It's a chink!

    Sidney: A Chinese person? That's not very nice.

    Believer: It's something that comes out of a furnace!

    Jahar9: RACIST!

    Pigeon: It's a chinchilla! Yaaay! Let's take him on our trip!

    ::all piles out of Pigeon's house after taking a short stop in the pool...(Believer and Pinkie were made to wear swimming suits despite their cultural differences) and hop in the cars.::

    PK: Where's Jahar??

    ::everyone hears engine of the convertible start up soon followed by Jahar pulling out of the garage in the Mustang with the roof down::

    Jahar9: Look! I'm riding topless!!

    Believer: And you yell at me!

    ::Mrs. Garret, our resident "motorcycle mama" rides by on her Harley::

    ::all drive to Akron::

    Believer: So, where is this acorn anyways?

    Pinkie: I gotta go!!!

    Believer: You should have gone before we left Pigeon's!

    Pigeon: STOP THE CAR!!!!

    ::Sidney screeches to a halt in the middle of the highway, which is almost deserted because it's 2:49 in the morning::

    All: What?!

    Pigeon: What?

    Jahar9: Look! It's a mutant squirrel from Beaver's house!!! ::points out the window::

    Believer: When did you come to me house?

    Sidney: Lead us to the acorn maybe he can?

    Pigeon: Where have all the do-dos gone?!

    Jahar9: It's worth a try!

    Pinkie: I think we've forgotten someone...

    PK: I'm still here! Even though I'm gone!

    Believer: ::looks around:: Hmmmm...EIBWEN! We've forgotten the Newbie!

    Sidney: Just one minute you wait! Get him I will! ::disappears with the aid of the participle and shows up one minute and two seconds later with the Newbie::

    Eibwen: When can I stop scrubbing the floors? ::motions to the huge bucket of cleaning supplies tied to his back::

    Pinkie: ::sticks out her tongue:: I'M NOT THE NEWBIE ANYMORE!!!!!! ::jumps out of the car and starts to dance in the middle of the highway::

    Jahar9: Um, what about this mutant squirrel?

    Believer: Let's chase it!

    Pigeon: Has anyone seen my chink?

    PK: Oh, sorry, here you go! ::hands Pigeon her chinchilla with a pink bow tied around its neck::

    Pigeon: Oooh, pretty!

    Sidney: Chase the mutant squirrel from Canada we will! Go now we must!

    ::The mutant squirrel looks up at them, and then runs off the highway and into the wilderness of Ohio::

    Jahar9: I AM OHIO!

    ::all pile out of the car and chase after the squirrel, yelling their various strange phrases at the top of their lungs::

    Believer: Oh no! I forgot my trenchcoat! Help!

    ::Bob Barker appears in front of her::

    Bob: Remember, control the pet population! Have your pet spayed or neutered today!

    Believer: Where's my trenchcoat?

    Bob: That's our next item up for bid!

    Jahar9: Hurry! The squirrel is getting away, and it could eat the acorn!

    Believer: I bid 50 cents!

    Bob: And the actual retail price is....51 cents! Believer, you win!

    Believer: ::grabs her trenchcoat and takes Jahar9's trenchcoat out of the pocket:: Here you go. Now, if only we could find a roof...

    ::all run after the mutant squirrel some more, finally ending up at Six Flags::

    Sidney: Six flags why are there? Seven flags why are they not? Or Five?

    Jahar9: I AM OHIO!

    Pigeon: Can I go on the Batman Adventure? Can I, can I, huh?

    Sidney: Rescue Ghost we must! Off to where did that squirrel go?

    Believer: LOOK!

    ::all gasp as they turn to see.... the gigantic, glowing, radioactive mommy squirrel and everyone screams::

    Jahar9: Only the NorZacIsTays could save us now!!

    ::Dean Cain flies in and gets eaten by the squirrels::

    Believer: Looks like these squirrels aren't vegetablarians....

    Sidney: Run we must!

    ::the squirrels finish off the rest of Dean Cain and turn to chase the weirdos, who turn and run::

    PK: Believer, go find the NorZacs!

    Believer: Why me?

    PK: They're your school mascots, right?

    Jahar9: I AM OHIO!

    Pinkie: Yes, Jahar.. good for you.

    Sidney: Oh no! Watch out!

    ::everyone ducks and runs under the roller coaster.. but they fall into the wave pool::

    Pigeon: Oh no! My prosthetic leg!

    ::Pigeon's leg is swept off on one of the waves::

    Everyone: OH NO!

    ::suddenly NorZacIsTay and NorZacIsTay drop from the sky::

    Believer: Has anyone else noticed that these things get solved too easily when Jahar's writing??

    Jahar9: Hey! ::mumbles something about ungrateful weirdos and wanting to start the movie sometime this decade::

    Pigeon: ::whining:: Buuut..

    Sidney: No buts!

    NorZactheS: HEY!

    ::NorZactheS picks up Sidney and tries to eat her::

    Believer: HEY!

    ::Believer picks up NorZactheS and tries to eat him::

    Jahar9: This is getting rediculous!

    Pigeon: It's a Weirdo Celebrity Deathmatch.. anything can happen.

    Jahar9: And it does. Let's commentate!

    Pigeon: Sidney has kicked the straw out of NorZacIsTay the Slurpy..

    PK: And Believer appears to be gnawing on his foot... Like a Beaver!

    Jahar9: A Canadian Beaver! ::picks up a box of Believer's Shreddies and starts eating them::

    ::Believer stops gnawing on NorZacIsTay the Slurpy's leg for a moment to say..::


    PK: But.. they're not SHREDDED!

    Jahar9: And now it seems that NorZacIsTay the Cow has taken to the fight also, pouncing on Believer as she let go of NorZacIsTay's leg to talk.

    Pigeon: ::singing:: Don't speak.. ((The current author has forgotten the rest of the words, so we'll just figure that Pigeon kept singing anyway))

    ::Yoda appears and thunks Pigeon with Jahar9's Eve6 CD::

    Jahar9: HEY!!!

    ::Jahar9 tackles Yoda and takes back her CD::

    Sidney: HEY!! Attack my Yoda you may not!

    PK: So much for worrying about not having any fights....

    ::Jahar9 bites a piece of Yoda's ear off::

    Jahar9: Ewww! Styrofoam!

    Everyone Else: Ewwww!! JAHAR!

    Believer: JAY-HAR!

    ::Jahar9 growls and runs into NorZacIsTay::

    Jahar9: Stupid lack of depth perception!!

    Believer: Lack of depth perception?!

    Sidney: EVIL JAHAR!

    EvilJahar9: Yeeeees?

    Believer: But.. But..

    ::NorZacIsTay the Slurpy stares at Believer::

    Believer: How's you get off of the Martian Ice cap??

    EJ9: Ah, you see, that is as simple as you people's minds. ::snorts:: And it's not because Jahar's the author.

    Pigeon: Is it because Jahar's the author?

    EJ9: I just said that wasn't it!

    Believer: I know! I know!

    EJ9: OK, particularly repetative Believer.. why am I back?

    Believer: Jahar's the author!

    EJ9: NO!! You imbeciles!! It's because I came back once before, and by definition.. that makes me a reaccuring character! ::cackles insanely::

    Everyone: Ohhhh.. so because Jahar9's the author...


    PK: But where's the real Jahar?

    Pigeon: I'm the nine Jahar, yes I'm the real Jahar, all the other real Jahar's are just.. um... evil Jahar's!

    ::everyone stares at Pigeon while wondering why the author has suddenly begun to overuse the "everyone" element::

    Sidney: So Jahar you are? Jahar you have been all along?

    Pigeon: ::looks confused:: No.. I was just.. singing.

    Sidney: Oh.. then where's Jahar?

    EJ9: Right here!

    Believer: You took over Jahar's body???

    EJ9: Of course not, I can't do that.

    PK: Oh, you can't, huh?

    EJ9: Well.. I could, but even I'm not that evil!

    PK: So you're not that evil, huh?

    Believer: So Evil Jahar9 isn't evil??

    EJ9: How dare you insult my evilness!! I can take her over, just watch! ::EJ9 disappears::

    Believer: Umm.. PK.. what was the point of that?

    PK: I don't know, I just felt like making fun of her.

    Sidney: But now find Jahar we never might!

    ::Jahar9 climbs out of NorZacIsTay the Slurpy::

    Believer: How'd you get in there?

    Jahar9: ::shrugs:: I don't know.. one moment I was chewing on Yoda's ear.. ::Sidney growls:: and the next I was swimming in radioactive slurpy juice.. then my evil twin was after me... How'd she get back?

    Pinkie: So.. you're not Evil Jahar9?

    Jahar9: I wasn't last time I checked..

    ::EJ9 climbs out of NorZacIsTay the Slurpy::

    NorZactheS: Ick! I feel so.. violated!

    EJ9: Come back here, you.. you... OH DRAT IT! I've run out of insults!

    Believer: Half-witted?

    Pinkie: Noisy?

    Sidney: Razzafrazzlin' doolie-teeny-bopper!!!

    EJ9: Razzafrazzlin' doolie-teeny-bopper???

    Sidney: Not why?

    ::EJ9 shrugs::

    EJ9: Come back here, you half-witted noisy razzafrazzlin' doolie-teeny-bopper!!!

    Jahar9: Never, you evil fiend! ::squirts EJ9 with her anti-government conspiracy squirtgun::

    EJ9: AHHH!!! I'm MELTING! But I'll be back.. remember.. I'm a reaccuring character!

    Jahar9: Phew... at least she's gone for now.

    Believer: But she'll be back.

    Pigeon: Because Jahar's the author!

    Sidney: Now.. find that acorn we must.

    Jahar9: To the oak tree!

    PK: What oak tree?

    Jahar9: I dunno.. there's got to be one around here somewhere..

    Pigeon: ::pointing to a nearby road:: Over there!! There's an oak tree!

    Jahar9: Rhododendron Park? ::looks slightly queasy::

    Sidney: Hard it is to spell, mmmm?

    ::the Weirdos run across the street without looking both ways and cause a 23-car pileup::

    Jahar9: I hate housing developments... ::looks around::

    Believer: You know, we could do without the foreshadowing..

    Jahar9: Fine.. let's just get Ghost and get out of here and get this over with.

    ::Pinkie runs over to a giant oak tree in the middle of the road, oddly enough, and starts eating Acorns::

    Sindey: PINKIE!! NOOO!!!!

    Believer: STOP!! You're gonna eat Goats! Err.. Ghost!! ::mumbling:: Evil typos..

    ::Pinkie coughs up the acorns and Nwebie runs over to clean them off while Jahar stays outside the development watching::

    Pigeon: Would you do something useful, Jahar??

    Jahar: Don't be silly! If I go in there I'm gonna die! ::sniffs the air:: Does anyone else smell that anti-bacterial soap? Er... I'll just stay out here and.. keep guard!

    Sidney: Just me is it, or crazier has Jahar gone? EvilJahar it must've been.

    Scully: Post-traumatic stress..


    Believer and Pinkie: Aboot?

    Jahar: Err.. uh.. soory.. I meant.. ::mumbles something about Canadian bass players:: Just keep looking!

    ::the rest of the Weirdos continue to break open acorns when suddenly...::

    Pinkie: AIEEEEEE!!!!!!

    ::Jahar jumps three feet into the air::

    Believer: What??!!

    Pinkie: That acorn is.. SWEARING AT ME!!! ::runs into a nearby house::

    ::Sidney picks up the acorn::

    Sidney: I don't see anything wrong with it... ::shakes it and it suddenly pops open::


    ::Jahar runs away::

    Author: I'm free!! IN YO FACE!!!!

    ::Sidney crams the Author back into the acorn and feeds it to Newbie::

    Jahar9: ::peeking out from behind another oak tree:: Are we safe yet? Did we find Ghost? I wanna go hooooome!!! ::steps on an acorn, which explodes, sending Jahar flying into the other tree:: EEP! NOOO!

    Believer: Take it easy, you can't die!

    Jahar9: I.. I can't?? But.. this is.. ::starts to cry::

    Believer: OK, OK.. We're almost done here anyway..

    ::PK cracks open another acorn::


    Jim: I'm soory Steve. But.. I always wondered what happened to things that went down the toilet!

    Jahar9: JIM!! You'll protect me, won't you?!

    Believer: ::rolling her eyes:: Hey... where's Ed?

    Tyler: On top, where else?

    ::Sidney shakes the tree and Ed falls out::

    The Rest of BNL: YAY! ED!

    Jahar9: Yay! Ed!

    ::Believer gives all of them a beeg Canadanese hug while Jahar falls over::

    Sidney: Help us search for Ghost you will, will you not?

    BNL: Sure.. where are we looking?

    Nwebie: ::sweeping the street:: In the acorns..

    Pigeon: I can't see myself in that tar spot yet!!

    ::BNL shrugs and starts breaking open acorns with the rest of the Weirdos::

    Jahar9: ::sneezes:: Oh.. I think I'm allergic to this... ::the acorn she's holding starts to tick:: AHHHHH!!! ::throws it across the street, where it explodes near another oak tree, detonating the other acorns::

    Pigeon: Oh my..

    ::Yoda whacks Pigeon over the head with an acorn, which pops open, reavealing several thousand lost computer programs::

    Believer: HEY! Look! The bug-free version of Windows! We could make millions!

    PK: Don't be silly! We'd have to give all the money to Super Jerry Springer!

    Jahar9: Why??!!

    PK: Because, he saved your lives!

    Jahar9: I could've gotten out on my own.. I've broken out of many a mental institution...

    Sidney: Found her I did!!! ::Sidney opens her acorn and Mattie pops out::

    Believer: Weren't we looking for Ghost?

    Sidney: Oh well.. Mattie's back!!

    Jahar9: Ho-hum... and that was the last acorn in Akron!!! What're we to do!?

    Steve: Hey look! There's acorns in my wallet!

    ::Believer steals Steve's wallet and procedes to break open the Acorns::

    Believer: The CSM? ::cracks open another:: MULDER!!! ::puts him back into the acorn and keeps it:: What is this? Things Chris Carter lost?

    Jahar9: Lemme see! ::steals one of the acorns and breaks it open, and some guy falls out:: Huh?.... PHIL!!! ::bursts into song::

    I leave from the death-arena every night
    It's getting dark, but the "Chick-Fil-A" lights up the way
    I turn the corner at the traffic light
    I count my money and then I rehearse what I'm going to say

    "I'd like some waffle-fries, a chicken sandwich with cheese,
    I love the light in your eyes, will you go out with me please?"

    I am in love with the Fil-A guy
    He has a smile of innocence so tender and warm
    He says thinks my name is pretty
    He's not an angel, but he wears a cotton-blend uniform

    ::BNL looks appalled and everyone is doubled over in pain. Phil gets up and runs away::

    Jahar9: Drat.. but.. I never got to tell him that my name's a verb too!!!

    ::Yoda decides to beat Jahar with the entire Oak tree::

    Jahar9: See??! I knew I shouldn't have come in here!! Hey! There's one more acorn!!

    Believer: ::mumbling:: Jahar's a verb?

    Sidney: GIMME!! ::snatches it away and breaks it open::

    Believer: Drat.. a dud!

    ::the acorn starts to smoke, the suddenly, as everyone probably expected.. or didn't.. GHOST APPEARS!::

    Ghost: It's about time you guys got me out of that dratted acorn! I can breathe again! ::takes a deep breath:: Hey, does something smell like anitseptic?

    Jahar9: Yeah, I noticed that too.. maybe it has something to do with this housing development.

    Believer: I'd only be worried if it was Arcadia..

    Jahar9: I don't think there's a garbage monster here...

    Pigeon: LOOK!! A Middle-Eastern guy!!! ::runs over to him while Jahar stares::

    Jahar9: Thought so.. actually, I knew so, because I'm the one writing this..

    Sidney: Who is it?

    ::BNL rolls their eyes::

    Ed: Naturally, she's threatening us with Moxy Fruvous.. again.

    Pigeon: DON'T SAY NATURALLY!!!

    ::Ed cringes and hides behind Steve::

    Jahar9: Anyway.. we got what we were looking for.. can we leave before something bad happens??

    Believer: Nothing bad is going to happen! It's just a suburban housing development.. and we've got BNL and Mulder to protect us!

    Jian: And us, don't forget us!

    Believer: ::rolling her eyes:: And Moxy Fruvous.

    Jahar9: The song! The song! Haven't any of you heard it??!!

    ::Moxy Fruvous drags Jahar off, kicking and screaming::

    Pigeon: Well.. ::sighing:: Middle-Eastern guy is gone.. I guess we can leave now..

    Believer: All's well that ends well...

    Sidney: Drive home I will.. but where's my car??

    Pigeon: Dude! Where's my car?!

    ::Yoda whacks Pigeon over the head with a loaf of French bread, when suddenly Jahar is heard screaming from a distance::

    Believer: JAYYYYY-HAAAAAAAAR!!!! ::the Weirdos and BNL run down the street towards where Moxy Fruvous appeared to be taking Jahar::

    Jahar9: John! John! Dan! Dan! Dan! My heroes! ::bursts into song::

    BNL: Hey! We though WE were your heroes!

    Fruvous: No, WE'RE her heroes!

    Pigeon: I'M HER HERO!!! ::BNL, Fruvous, and TMBG give Pigeon an evil stare::

    Jim: YOU don't play the bass!

    Steve: Are you saying that to be cool, you have to play the bass?

    Murray: Everyone knows that!

    Weinkauf: Yeah!

    Ed: ::rolling his eyes:: But you don't see any solo bass people, do you? What would you guys do without the band?

    Murray: What about my bass and whistle tour back in 2000?

    Jian: What did I tell you about living in a fantasy world, Murray? ::Jian looks like he's getting ready to sing something::

    Flans: SHUT UP! I know all of you guys just copied our music anyway!!!

    Jian: FLANSY!! You ruined my entrance!

    Dan Miller: ::looking over at the other 2 Dans:: He called him "Flansy," that can't be good.

    Steve: I know you were gonna sing Brian Wilson. You wanna be just like us, because we're cooler Canadians than you!

    Linnell: Uh, if anyone needs me I'll just be, um, hiding in the van for awhile.

    ::everyone else stares at Linnell::

    Flans: Um, excuse John. He's afraid of Jahar because she's abducted him about 5 times.

    Linnell: ::from inside the van:: It's true! Get her away from me!

    Jahar9: You're all in danger! Do know where we are?! Rhododendron Park! Hello?! Do we realize this? Mike! Mike knows! Right Mike?

    Mike: Umm.. no. None of us have any idea what you're talking about.

    Jahar9: Fine! I'll sing it to you!

    Everyone: NO!!!!!

    Linnell: ::mumbling:: I should be allowed to glue her mouth shut.. Hey! Hmm.. ::goes into the back of the van and picks up his accordian::

    Sidney: Well, aaaanyhoo..

    Believer: And however... STILL my phrase..

    Sidney: Whatever. Can you guys drive us back to our deathmatch arena? I can't find my car anywhere.

    Flans: I guess. Where is it?

    ::Linnell jumps out of the van, screaming yet again::

    Linnell: I'm not going ANYWHERE with HER!

    Yoda: OK it is.

    Sidney: Take care of it we will!

    ::Yoda thunks Jahar9 over the head with a birdcage::

    Jahar9: Tiiiiiilly-bird! ::falls over, unconscious::

    Believer: ::picking up Jahar9 and taking her over to the van:: Now, will you take us back?

    Linnell: OK, I give up. Go ahead, get in. ::he opens the door, and the Weirdos climb in, followed by BNL and Moxy Fruvous:: Hey, who told you that you could come, too?

    Tyler: We've got no way of getting home. Do you think we're made of magic? We wouldn't be stuck here if JIM hadn't flushed us down the toilet.

    Dave: Oh. That's strange... Murray flushed US down the toilet, too!

    Miller: That's OK. Weinkauf flushed the entire BUS down the toilet!!

    Pinkie: How is that even possible?

    Believer: Now you're sounding logical!

    ::Jahar9 wakes up screaming::

    Jahar9: LOGIC! NOOOO!

    Sidney: Getting a bit clichéd that is, is it not?

    Jahar9: ::shrugs:: I guesso... ::yawns:: What did you guys do to me? You know Pigeon's the only one that can take beatings to the head constantly. Where are we? ::looks around the van:: Oooo. JOHN!!

    Linnell: GAH! ::runs into the bathroom in the back and locks the door::

    Jian: Can I drive, pleeeease?!

    Jahar9: NO! We know how you and Murray drive! ::everyone gives her blank looks:: Err, well, at least I know how you and Murray drive.

    Murray: How? We don't even share a bus?

    Jahar9: Of course you do! The Frubus!

    Mike: Frubus.. ::laughs:: Suuure.

    PK: Sidney can drive!

    Jahar9: So can I, because I have my LICENSE!

    ::evil foreboding crash::

    Kevin: Oh, sorry guys! I didn't mean to knock over all your instruments.

    Flans: ::smacks himself on the forehead:: Freaks...

    Believer and Jahar9: Thank you!

    ::suddenly the bus starts to shake and a strange glowing apparation appears in the middle of the bus::

    Author: Hello, everyone.

    ::the Weirdos cringe::

    Sidney: No! We got rid of you!

    Author: Yeah, sure. ::matter-of-factly:: You didn't get rid of ME, that was someone else. All I had to do was flush myself down the toilet and.. well, just listen, I've somehow created too many strange cooincidences in this world, and it's starting to collapse... ::the bus continues to shake:: And now, since I can't bear to kill off all of you characters..

    Dave: What? Characters? We're people here..

    Mulder: Actually, technically, if you've been keeping up with this, it's a story, so really...

    Author: We've got to get out of here or we'll all cease to exist!

    Everyone (including the Author): GASP!

    ::another foreboding crash::

    Kevin: D'oh!

    ::Flans rolls his eyes::

    Author: ::beating herself on the head:: FINE! I'll get us out of here! ::mumbling:: Bunch of nitwits.

    ::the Author starts the bus as everyone gathers around the front to see out the window. A spiraling shape appears in front of them and the Author slams her foot down on the accelerator and zooms toward it::

    Murray: Weeeee!

    ::Linnell comes out of the bathroom::

    Linnell: Did I miss something here?

    ::everyone is thrown forward and are knocked unconscious as the bus hits the shape::

And that is where it leaves off... for now. ::growls:: If SOME people would reappear and ADD ON TO THE CDM (which they did ::gives Sidney an Ohioan hug, which has less squeeshing power than a Canadanese hug, but is the best she can do, being an Ohioan::) maybe we'd get done sometime this milennium. Hope you've had fun. To escape (even though it's much too late), cliquez ici (-;